Mental Liberation & Reprogramming Love

1. Recognize how slavery disrupted healthy Black love and connection.
   
   

2. Acknowledge intergenerational trauma and its effects on intimacy.
   
   

3. Deconstruct Eurocentric romantic ideals that don't serve your reality.
   
   

4. Heal the internalized belief that Black love is inferior or doomed.
   
   

5. Understand that your relationship is part of your liberation.
   
   

6. Know that emotional vulnerability is not weakness.
   
   

7. Study healthy relationship models from African and ancestral traditions.
   
   

8. Learn the difference between trauma bonding and authentic connection.
   
   

9. Practice emotional literacy and naming your feelings.
   
   

10. Unlearn toxic masculinity and internalized misogynoir.
    
    

Communication, Conflict & Truth

11. Master honest, clear, and compassionate communication.
    
    

12. Learn nonviolent communication and active listening.
    
    

13. Address conflict without shame, blame, or avoidance.
    
    

14. Hold space for uncomfortable truths without shutting down.
    
    

15. Know how to express your needs clearly and respectfully.
    
    

16. Set boundaries and honor those of your partner.
    
    

17. Practice forgiveness—not erasure—of harm.
    
    

18. Heal from childhood wounds so they don’t dominate your relationship.
    
    

19. Recognize gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional abuse.
    
    

20. Normalize regular check-ins about how your relationship is growing.
    
    

Emotional Intimacy & Attachment

21. Learn your love language and your partner’s.
    
    

22. Explore your attachment style and its roots.
    
    

23. Be consistent and emotionally present.
    
    

24. Give and receive affection without performance.
    
    

25. Normalize tenderness, softness, and care.
    
    

26. Create emotional safety, not just physical safety.
    
    

27. Understand that vulnerability builds deeper trust.
    
    

28. Share your fears, dreams, and history openly.
    
    

29. Learn to self-soothe and regulate your emotions.
    
    

30. Celebrate joy and play as sacred practices.
    
    

Sexual Healing & Sacred Energy Exchange

31. De-link sex from shame, control, and power dynamics.
    
    

32. Learn about African traditions of sacred sexuality.
    
    

33. Practice sexual honesty, respect, and consent.
    
    

34. Explore your sexual identity without internalized judgment.
    
    

35. Know that sex is spiritual, emotional, and energetic.
    
    

36. Reject exploitative, porn-based scripts of intimacy.
    
    

37. Normalize conversations about pleasure and satisfaction.
    
    

38. Address sexual trauma with compassion and support.
    
    

39. Embrace sexuality as a tool for healing and connection.
    
    

40. Make space for celibacy, sensuality, and sexual fluidity when needed.
    
    

Purpose, Vision & Shared Goals

41. Choose partners aligned with your values and mission.
    
    

42. Co-create a vision for your relationship and family.
    
    

43. Set short- and long-term goals together.
    
    

44. Practice mutual growth and challenge each other lovingly.
    
    

45. Make decisions with liberation and legacy in mind.
    
    

46. Build a relationship that feeds the community, not just the self.
    
    

47. Check in regularly on your shared vision.
    
    

48. Encourage each other’s dreams.
    
    

49. See your relationship as an act of resistance.
    
    

50. Be each other's mirror and medicine, not jailer.
    
    

Healing Lineage & Family Patterns

51. Study your family tree—know where you come from.
    
    

52. Name and break cycles of abuse, neglect, or codependency.
    
    

53. Learn the love stories of your ancestors.
    
    

54. Include elders in your relationship story.
    
    

55. Rebuild kinship networks that were dismantled.
    
    

56. Honor fertility, birth, and parenting as sacred decisions.
    
    

57. Make conscious choices about raising the next generation.
    
    

58. Teach your children healthy models of love and connection.
    
    

59. Reclaim the village as part of your relationship circle.
    
    

60. Let your love restore what was stolen from your lineage.
    
    

Power, Gender & Equity

61. Build relationships based on equality—not patriarchy or domination.
    
    

62. Reject white supremacist gender roles that harm Black love.
    
    

63. Share labor—physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual.
    
    

64. Value Black women’s leadership and softness equally.
    
    

65. Support Black men’s healing and wholeness.
    
    

66. Respect LGBTQ+ and nonbinary identities in Black relationships.
    
    

67. Understand and challenge colorism and desirability bias.
    
    

68. Don’t mimic colonizer relationships—redefine your own.
    
    

69. Create space for both individuality and partnership.
    
    

70. Know that strong Black love challenges the system.
    
    

Community Love & Collective Care

71. Learn from elders and successful relationships in the community.
    
    

72. Build healthy friendships around your relationship.
    
    

73. Support other couples—not compete or compare.
    
    

74. Seek healing circles, not isolation, when challenges arise.
    
    

75. Serve your community as a couple.
    
    

76. Normalize therapy, support groups, and mentoring.
    
    

77. Be transparent without oversharing—build trust circles.
    
    

78. Value privacy without secrecy.
    
    

79. Create rituals of connection—weekly check-ins, retreats, fasts.
    
    

80. Love in a way that inspires others.
    
    

Commitment, Trust & Growth

81. Honor your commitments with integrity.
    
    

82. Build trust slowly and consistently.
    
    

83. Don’t confuse trauma for chemistry.
    
    

84. Know that love is a verb—daily action.
    
    

85. Celebrate milestones and growth.
    
    

86. Navigate transitions—grief, birth, change—together.
    
    

87. Support personal growth within the relationship.
    
    

88. Make space for spiritual exploration and divergence.
    
    

89. Know when to fight for the relationship—and when to let go.
    
    

90. Heal, even if the relationship ends.
    
    

Legacy, Love & Liberation

91. Love with intention, not survival.
    
    

92. Model healthy Black love for future generations.
    
    

93. Document your love story as living history.
    
    

94. Define freedom together—not separately.
    
    

95. Heal shame and normalize joy.
    
    

96. Choose love over ego.
    
    

97. Build wealth—spiritual, emotional, and material—together.
    
    

98. Know your love is revolutionary.
    
    

99. Let your relationship liberate—not limit—you.
    
    

100. Remember: Black love is sacred. Protect it, nurture it, and pass it on.